So...the guy didn't get a hold of us yesterday...which at this time lends one to think that I may have fallen on the gullable side of this fence...which is not my favorite thing in the world. I realize what my fatal flaw is...my success in giving became dependant on him returning the gift. I was allowing him to borrow it based on his terms and conditions and therefor my experience is valid when he upholds those. I gave him the power to define if I am giving or gullable. I should have defined my own rules that were dependent on my own actions...I should have just given him the money with no way to give it back. I think that was my fatal flaw.
...sigh.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Giving vs. Gullable
Last night I sat in G's car in front of the movie theatre we were preparing to enter. We were finishing a conversation that in short was cycling through the following over and over:
G: You should really get more acupuncture...you can get it for 25 dollars which is a lot cheaper than a lot of people can get it for.
a: Yeah, but I tried it and all I really got was an early bed time and a headache...so, i don't know.
G: But, you need to go a couple times to get the benefits really.
a: sure, but going 4 times is 100 bucks, going twice is 50...and even 25 is significant to me right now.
G: But, the long term benefits are really good...and sure, any amount of money is something, i get it, but you can get it for 25 dollars which is a lot cheaper than a lot of people can get it for...
(and in the words of the King of Siam from "The King and I") etcetera, etcetera, etcetera...
As our conversation cycle cycled on... G had her car door open when a man in a car pulled up with his window open and his dome light on. He looked at me with his eyebrows raised as if to speak...and i screamed a little.
man in car: Excuse me ladies, I'm sorry to interupt your conversation, but maybe you can help us. We were coming back from oak park and my little sister blew out her tire, and we need to pay the guy who came to fix it, and I've left my check book in my jacket pocket at work...I'm a bell hop. my name is kevin. I can leave my license with you. anything. I just need to get 23 dollars to my sister--she's on the side of the road.
G: Sorry, dude, i was gonna pay for the movie with a card.
man in car: if there's anyway you can help...
G:doesn't your sister have a card or something?
man in car: she's 16.
This is where I take 23 dollars out of my wallet and give it to G who then gives it to him along with her business card so he can contact us to pay me back. I say something like "we're all part of humanity, and we need to take care of eachother." He remarks that he's totally going to pay me back and that his name is kevin, and thank you, and then he drives away.
G and I walk towards the theatre a little dumbfounded but manage the obligatory "that was crazy" and the small chuckle of awe that such moments require, and then I immediately begin an inward assessment of the actions I've just taken. G looks up at me at catches me in the middle of a "I'm not going to cry!" face. She stops as she looks at me..."woah...what's happening".
a: I just don't know if I was giving--the person I want to be...or guilable--a person I don't want to be.
g: Well, I think you chose to be giving.
a: yeah, but no one chooses to be gullable! They just are!
g: well, i hope that karma brings your 23 dollars back to you in some form or another.
a:(sigh of defeat/release)...Well, now we know that I definately can't do accupuncture...
g: yeah, I totally thought of that, but I didn't want to say anything.
After buying our tickets we stopped at the snack stand. g really wanted a hotdog and a soda...and i knew that...the problem was, on sunday, we watched the movie "fast food nation" and more or less have been trying to figure out what our social responsibility is in regaurds to ethical consumerism...at the end of the day, I don't think I can support meat packing plants because of how dangerous they are when all of their workers (some being illegal imegrants) don't have health insurance etc. It's a human rights issue, not an animal one, but whatever--it's my reason for my actions--I'm not really an animal person, but if I were to give up all meat in protest of how animals are treated...I'd have to give up milk too, because seriously, dairy cows have it ROUGH...anyway, neither of us have eaten meat since sunday night as we contemplate all of this. So, the silence in front of the snack stand wasn't empty by any means....it was filled with silent screams and grieving moos of horrors past and present.
g: ...can I get a hot dog?
a: why are you asking me for permisison?...I'm not your Jimminy Crickett. You can do what I want.
g: ...i know, but the question I'm asking is can I get a hot dog?
a: Look...Today is YOUR day....(her eyes lit up here) but, you cannot have a hot dog.
g: (gasp) oh, I got really excited for a second. oh, no. (eyes fill with tears) I'm gonna need a second.
a: oh, I'm sorry, I was kidding. Today IS your day. You can get a hot dog if you want one...it's totally your day.
g: (holds up a finger to ask for silence as she fights back tears) Ok, ok...I'm almost good....I'm getting a hot dog...
a: I support that.
The movie was good.
G: You should really get more acupuncture...you can get it for 25 dollars which is a lot cheaper than a lot of people can get it for.
a: Yeah, but I tried it and all I really got was an early bed time and a headache...so, i don't know.
G: But, you need to go a couple times to get the benefits really.
a: sure, but going 4 times is 100 bucks, going twice is 50...and even 25 is significant to me right now.
G: But, the long term benefits are really good...and sure, any amount of money is something, i get it, but you can get it for 25 dollars which is a lot cheaper than a lot of people can get it for...
(and in the words of the King of Siam from "The King and I") etcetera, etcetera, etcetera...
As our conversation cycle cycled on... G had her car door open when a man in a car pulled up with his window open and his dome light on. He looked at me with his eyebrows raised as if to speak...and i screamed a little.
man in car: Excuse me ladies, I'm sorry to interupt your conversation, but maybe you can help us. We were coming back from oak park and my little sister blew out her tire, and we need to pay the guy who came to fix it, and I've left my check book in my jacket pocket at work...I'm a bell hop. my name is kevin. I can leave my license with you. anything. I just need to get 23 dollars to my sister--she's on the side of the road.
G: Sorry, dude, i was gonna pay for the movie with a card.
man in car: if there's anyway you can help...
G:doesn't your sister have a card or something?
man in car: she's 16.
This is where I take 23 dollars out of my wallet and give it to G who then gives it to him along with her business card so he can contact us to pay me back. I say something like "we're all part of humanity, and we need to take care of eachother." He remarks that he's totally going to pay me back and that his name is kevin, and thank you, and then he drives away.
G and I walk towards the theatre a little dumbfounded but manage the obligatory "that was crazy" and the small chuckle of awe that such moments require, and then I immediately begin an inward assessment of the actions I've just taken. G looks up at me at catches me in the middle of a "I'm not going to cry!" face. She stops as she looks at me..."woah...what's happening".
a: I just don't know if I was giving--the person I want to be...or guilable--a person I don't want to be.
g: Well, I think you chose to be giving.
a: yeah, but no one chooses to be gullable! They just are!
g: well, i hope that karma brings your 23 dollars back to you in some form or another.
a:(sigh of defeat/release)...Well, now we know that I definately can't do accupuncture...
g: yeah, I totally thought of that, but I didn't want to say anything.
After buying our tickets we stopped at the snack stand. g really wanted a hotdog and a soda...and i knew that...the problem was, on sunday, we watched the movie "fast food nation" and more or less have been trying to figure out what our social responsibility is in regaurds to ethical consumerism...at the end of the day, I don't think I can support meat packing plants because of how dangerous they are when all of their workers (some being illegal imegrants) don't have health insurance etc. It's a human rights issue, not an animal one, but whatever--it's my reason for my actions--I'm not really an animal person, but if I were to give up all meat in protest of how animals are treated...I'd have to give up milk too, because seriously, dairy cows have it ROUGH...anyway, neither of us have eaten meat since sunday night as we contemplate all of this. So, the silence in front of the snack stand wasn't empty by any means....it was filled with silent screams and grieving moos of horrors past and present.
g: ...can I get a hot dog?
a: why are you asking me for permisison?...I'm not your Jimminy Crickett. You can do what I want.
g: ...i know, but the question I'm asking is can I get a hot dog?
a: Look...Today is YOUR day....(her eyes lit up here) but, you cannot have a hot dog.
g: (gasp) oh, I got really excited for a second. oh, no. (eyes fill with tears) I'm gonna need a second.
a: oh, I'm sorry, I was kidding. Today IS your day. You can get a hot dog if you want one...it's totally your day.
g: (holds up a finger to ask for silence as she fights back tears) Ok, ok...I'm almost good....I'm getting a hot dog...
a: I support that.
The movie was good.
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